Frozen Calories

Dear Jock:

I was Nordic skiing last winter and I pulled an energy bar out of my fanny pack for a quick snack. I nearly lost an incisor on the frozen caloric brick. Any advice?
—Nearly Toothless

Dear Nearly,

Solving your problem requires nothing more than careful shopping and thoughtful storage. While Jock hasn’t bothered to conduct a formal double-blind study, he’s certainly noticed that some bars maintain pliability in the cold better than others. In general, the deciding factor seems to be texture. Energy bars comprised of highly processed materials seem to freeze faster and harder than bars made of more wholesome stock. For example, the classic Power Bars—which are some kind of mysterious whipped food substance extruded into bars—are wintertime jawbreakers. Alternatively, Bobo’s Vegan Oat Bars—which seem to be made by gently compressing partially cooked oatmeal into a cellophane wrapper—remain flexible down to subzero temps. Another option is to skip energy bars entirely and try Clif Blocks (small cubes of colorful jello-like substance) or Gu (a foil packet filled with a calorie-dense frosting). Whatever energy food you prefer, you should store it in an interior pocket next to your warm body. Keep those choppers intact!